Echo, echo, echo,
A future is coming
Echo, echo, echo,
Yet the past still
Echo, echo, echo,
I will not say it is boring
I will not say it is boring
Freedom of the future
Fixture of the past
A lamp that turns on
At the time before I sleep
Time before I heal
Future is coming
It may need all my strength
It may take a grain of mustard seed
Blue, green, yellow
No
The future is purple
The future is a mysterious haze
A never-ending cycle that happens
If it escapes our consciousness
If it disappears of our deep meaning
The future comes and always will be
As for the past
It has always been.
Though it may not be on
The lamp is still there
Its still in the small room
Surrounded by windows
Surrounded by doors
Never leaving that room
Always looking
Always changing
But if the future is day
And before I sleep is past
What is the night?
The time that I sleep
The time that has no consciousness
No meaning
Is it the time I am most conscious?
A time that has the most meaning?
Do we live life with our eyes closed
The present a time of sleep?
That seems incorrect
This metaphor is flawed
Or is it?
The times of the past fixed and present
Future never able to grasp
Never in touch
The present, dark and relaxing
Echo, echo, echo
OR
Echo, echo, echo,
A future is coming
Echo, echo, echo,
Yet the past still
Echo, echo, echo,
I will not say it is boring
I will not say it is boring
Freedom of the future
Fixture of the past
A lamp that turns on
At the time before I sleep
Time before I heal
Future is coming
It may need all my strength
It may take a grain of mustard seed
Blue, green, yellow
No
The future is purple
The future is a mysterious haze
A never-ending cycle that happens
If it escapes our consciousness
If it disappears of our deep meaning
The future comes and always will be
As for the past
It has always been.
Though it may not be on
The lamp is still there
Its still in the small room
Surrounded by windows
Surrounded by doors
Never leaving that room
Always looking
Always changing
But if the future is day
And before I sleep is past
What is the night?
The time that I sleep
The time that has no consciousness
No meaning
It is the time I am most conscious
A time that has the most meaning
We live life with our eyes closed
The present a time of sleep
That seems incorrect
This metaphor is flawed
Or is it?
The times of the past fixed and present
Future never able to grasp
Never in touch
The present, dark and relaxing
Echo, echo, echo
I'm not entirely sure how to respond as both have questions. Nice work though!
ReplyDeleteAgreed.
DeleteReally interesting poem, and I like the questions! Makes the reader think.
this is fine work, full of uncertainty and a deep bow to the unknown. I would like to see you dig deeper into the metaphor that asks if the worlds we create in sleep are more real than the present we seem to sleep through. Keep digging.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, David. I agree with Michael -- keep digging into the ideas here. I especially like the turn you take near the end when you begin to reflect.
ReplyDeleteFor All: Here is a website to select a form from and write a poem of that sort.
http://thewordshop.tripod.com/forms.html
Even after reading this multiple times i am still struggling to keep track of everything that is going on and the places the poem goes. I really like the line "Future is Coming". It stands out to me because future is something that we are constantly living and battling with as we step through time. Putting "Is Coming" after it gives allot more distance between the present and future. I like it.
ReplyDeleteI like the second version more, but I think I would just get rid of "a grain of mustard seed" and keep it as just "mustard seed"
ReplyDeleteThe part that sticks out to me is:
ReplyDeleteA lamp that turns on
At the time before I sleep
Time before I heal.
I really like those lines. I agree, though, that you could go more into it. For example, what is healing when you sleep? What are you healing from? And why does the lamp turn on before you sleep?
Despite the fact that jim dislikes questions, I am more of a fan of the second version. It allows the reader to be able to interoperate things their own way more.
ReplyDelete